GREG GUTFELD: Take the media’s word with a grain of salt

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December 6. Do you know what that means? National Miners’ Day. Not the other kind of miners, but the guys who work underground. So put your pants on, CNN.

So, have you heard the good news? Make-A-Wish has finally caught wind of Jimmy’s story and is changing it. Dreams really do come true. Which rodeo clown did you serve to get this shirt? Anyway, we can answer later. But here’s another big news: disgraced attorney Michael Avenatti has been sentenced to 14 years in prison for embezzling millions of dollars.

They feel strong. Yes, the guy is slimier than a bowl of okra.

Stealing, of course, is stealing if you do it in a suit, tie, and that sexy shirt. Thank God I worked to take pictures.

In addition to the 14 years behind bars, Avenatti will have to pay nearly $11 million in restitution to four clients and the IRS. The payback is like I paid women to sleep with me.

Senior film actress Stormi Daniels, left, at a press conference with her attorney, Michael Avenatti.
(AP Photo/Mary Altaffer, file)

This new sentence is separate from the one he is currently serving, which is five years for trying to extort money from Nike and also stealing Stormy Daniels’ hard-earned cash from Double Ds, otherwise known as Silicon Valley is called Yes.

He won $300,000 in book advances from Daniels. I guess I should have chosen a better verb there. However, it was still easy to track down the cash Stormy took because it was all $1 bills.


Avenatti will begin serving 14 years after that term, and I will be 60 by then. Now, for those of you too young to remember, Avenatti has become quite the liberal hero. You know, like a tax collector or a doctor who reassigns children.

This happened when she took on President Trump while sitting next to Stormi Daniels’ tail. Poor thing. He thought Avenatti was going to help him, but instead he ruined it, which is usually what he gets paid for, but in this case, it was the opposite.

And the media couldn’t get enough of Avenatti and his slick skulls crippled by his own prejudices and misjudgments. Remember that nonsense?

CHRIS CUOMO, 2018: You got lucky tonight. We’re back with attorney Michael Avenatti. He is a key player.

ANA NAVARRO, 2018: You are like the Holy Spirit to me. You are always everywhere.

JOY BEHAR, 2018: He will save the country there.

CHRIS MATTHEWS, 2018: Look, I think you’re doing a great job… I don’t think you’re in it for the money.

BRIAN STELTER, 2018: Looking ahead to 2020, one of the reasons I’m taking you seriously as a contender is because you’re on cable news.

You look like a well-aged eyeball in the back of my refrigerator. No wonder CNN gave Brian Stelter his walking papers, whatever it takes to train him. It was bad.

But this whole Avenatti scandal reinforces the arguments you’ve heard so much from this show. First, I always say, “Never date a stripper” – not because she’s your stepmom.

Meanwhile, the media will happily chase any shiny ball placed in front of them, as long as the shiny ball meets their expectations. In this case, it was all about the evil Trump. Avenatti took advantage of their Trump mess and rode him like a pharmacy donkey into any left wing wet dream factory that could have him.

But the good news: it’s just another media meltdown. The news creates stories like a house of cards, and over time there is a wind that blows their houses away. And some take longer than others.

You have former President Trump’s nuclear secrets that were found in a cardboard box at Mar-a-Lago and turned into memorabilia. So this story went faster than the polyester rash on Jimmy’s chest. They blamed Trump for why the Rosenbergs were executed, but no correction. I think the media has killed more people than Kat’s cooking.


It turns out that crypto king Sam Bankman-Fried was more like the Klepto King after it was discovered that he used customer funds to stem losses in another business he founded. But just as Avenatti has faced Trump’s mayhem, so has the formidable Sam jumped on the virtue signal. Another scam the media is gobbling up like a pound of sardines at mealtime on The View.

FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried testifies before the House Financial Services Committee at the Rayburn House Office Building on Capitol Hill on December 8, 2021 in Washington, D.C.

FTX CEO Sam Bankman-Fried testifies before the House Financial Services Committee at the Rayburn House Office Building on Capitol Hill on December 8, 2021 in Washington, D.C.
(Alex Wong/Getty Images)

And where did all this money go? Houses, swimming pools, drugs. She definitely didn’t use the client’s money for a haircut and breast reduction. What happens when you pair Mark Cuban with a toilet brush. This is strange.

I think he was the top Democrat donor and he hasn’t been arrested yet. It’s a coincidence that the party ends with the appearance of Brian Kilmeade.

We are also learning a lot about how the media and the government conspired to disrupt the election through social media. Despite what the media says, Hunter’s laptop is as real as my beautiful, hairless chest.

The thing is, I’m telling you what you already know. Scream like Ana Navarro in a three-way mirror, no matter what the mainstream media espouses. And whatever they tell you, you know it’s not true. As I promised my interns a bonus, take it with a grain of salt. It is for them that they believe in me.

And the next time the mainstream media tries to sell you something like a charismatic lawyer fighting for the underdog, keep walking. Because unlike you, their memory is shorter than that of our president. They think you are stupid and lazy. And, boy, if ain’t no pot calling the kettle a colored man.

No wonder no one trusts them anymore. And that’s why this Christmas many of them are getting severance pay along with a lump of coal.

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