Rece Davies, a 43-year-old relationship coach from California, calls the affair “addiction.” He also says that people cheat as a “form of escape” or “pain medicine” from difficulties such as death in the family, illness or a high-stress job, as well as problems in their relationships.
His expertise and advice comes from experience. Davis cheated on her husband of 17 years for six months in 2020. The affair ended after she and her husband dealt with the issues they had been suppressing – now they are “happier than ever” and “much healthier”. .
Even though the stories may have started differently, “I’ve learned that a lot of things are exactly the same.” They all follow very similar patterns and we are lying to ourselves,” he told South West News Service.
“We believe the lies we’re told, and when you realize a lot of them are the same story — you want to help people understand the truth.”
Davis says she supports “both cheaters and cheaters” in working with their couples.
“I’ll help them both see what really happened. Things are addictive, and there’s a reason why it’s hard to break out when someone gets involved and makes that choice,” he said. “Because you’re addicted to chemicals, the dopamine hits that happen in your brain make them addicted to that person. .”
Davies says one way she helps couples is to tell the “truth” about the situation.
“I help those who have been betrayed to understand it, and I help people who are being betrayed to see that it’s more of an addiction than the love of your life,” Davis said.
In fact, he suggested that couples forget why they got together in the first place: for love.
“You lie to your partner that you never had feelings for them or that you never loved them. “I’m really trying to help you remember the reality of your relationship and find your self-worth again,” she said, adding that “shame and guilt” often come into play.
“You feel like a terrible person. Because it’s an addiction, you lie to yourself all the time. When you’re really addicted, you feel like you’re in a soulmate, twin flame relationship,” he said.
“You really have to see the truth of the red flags of the situation and work on your self-worth.”
But Davis also added that there are several tools that can help someone break their relationship addiction. He suggested, for example, “trauma therapy” through a “love addiction app.” Davis also said she had people make a “negative reinforcement list” that points out the bad aspects of the relationship. Thus, when a person feels strongly attached to the good things that happened, they may recall the negative aspects.
It means going back to a previous version of yourself.
“Who were you so long ago? You have to go back to that person,” he said. “Things change you and bring out the worst in you, so you need to figure out who you used to be and make a list of who you want to be again,” she explained.
Davis himself was the same man when he was romantically involved in the middle of 2020.
“When my husband and I went through a couple of difficult years, I didn’t go to counseling, I was trying to figure it all out on my own – I was in a broken and scary place,” she admits, adding that often things happen. he added. involve a person from the past or a colleague with whom you can feel safe.
In Davies’ case, he felt fortunate that the people around him held him accountable.
“My family was like, ‘What are you doing?’ Who are you?’ Davis said, adding that he initially defended the situation. “Luckily, I had friends who didn’t encourage it and called me out – told me I wasn’t myself.”
That’s when his self-evaluation began, he said.
“I called the therapist and I attended. After I started talking to a therapist, all my friends were not encouraging about the situation, I began to do a deep search for myself, “he said.
Her methods included using various therapists, doing research, journaling, and studying faith.
“All this helped me understand the truth and woke me up,” Davis concluded.
Davies’ best tips for leaving a relationship:
Find the root cause of why you are in the relationship
Make a list of the disadvantages of the job
Talk to your partner about the problems that bring you into the relationship
Remember who you were before the job
Get help for addiction
Have zero contact with your co-worker
Here are her top tips for coping with a relationship as a couplee:
Take proactive steps to improve your relationship
Take care of yourself and understand your needs
Talk about the problems that caused one of you in the relationship