Love takes time to grow – and just 30 days will help romance blossom.
Sabrina Bendori he’s a relationship expert, and he talks about how to get over all your secrets — or get back at your ex.
His No. 1 rule is that couples must have no contact with each other for 30 days—a concept he describes as “love rehab.”
The 37-year-old romance guru says taking a month off helps them reevaluate what they want in a relationship.
People can then go “all out” to get their ex back – or they can happily continue the relationship.
Women should make a list of their ex’s mother’s qualities and “inventory” the ex’s key assets during the no contact policy.
Bendori also highlighted women who allow themselves to be tied to emotional turmoil in relationships as “love medicine.”
Bendori found herself calling on him as a love coach after her 2006 divorce, when she became too obsessed with ex-boyfriend Eric Charles, 40.
Two years later, he tried to make her jealous, saying it had become an “unhealthy obsession”.
The couple did not rekindle their love, and Charles suggested that they start writing about their relationship.
The two even became friends and co-founded New Mode, an advice platform for men and women with various dating issues.
In 2015, she found her happiness and connected with her high school sweetheart, 38-year-old Alon Bendori. They are the parents of three children and live in Long Island, New York.
“I’m tired of being at the mercy of men and feeling powerless,” she told South West News Service.
“You have to think you’re in rehab, love is a drug and it creates chemical reactions in the brain, just like a drug addict, they want to hit,” he said of his tactics.
She continued, “Someone in a relationship wants that kick, but every time you check it, you’re holding yourself back.”
As for the 30-day no-contact rule, the woman must not text them, talk to them, or check their social media.
He even said that some women take more than 30 days to talk to their ex again and that they should only get back in touch with him when they are no longer unhappy with the prospect of not being with him.
Bendori says women need to “notice their thoughts” and “reframe their obsessions” before going back to their ex-partners.
“If you think, ‘I miss him’ and ‘I love him,’ you need to analyze what you’re missing. You’re missing a connection that you need from a person. Then from yourself, your family, your friends and you can ask how you can find that connection again through yourself,” he said.
“You have to do something that makes you feel alive and takes the focus off of him and onto you,” Bendori added.
In the 30-day timeline, he advised that a woman should reassess her priorities and life goals in order to have a clear idea about getting back into a relationship.
“Our hearts take us to different places, but we have to have directions,” he said. “Choosing who to share our lives with is a huge decision.”
This period should also consist of making a list of positive and negative qualities that women would like to have in their partner. This can lead women to think more clearly about their future and their spouses.
Having a positive mindset is the key to getting over someone, Bendori advised.
“People with a fixed mindset think that a breakup or rejection says something disappointing about them,” she said. “If you have a growth mindset, you can think about how you can learn or grow from the relationship.”
After the one-month period is over, if someone has hopes of not being with their ex anymore, but wants to try again, then they should be approached casually.
A casual text like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about you,” can be just the right spark to rekindle the situation.
However, he warned: “If the response is cold, you have to take it as a loss and let it go.”
If the person responds, then it should make it easy to get back into contact and dates.
“You have to be realistic; “If you love and miss each other, you can’t get back together – it’s not like the movies,” he said.
“If you’ve worked on yourself and resolved the underlying issues, you’re ready to move forward,” Bendori advises. “If everything is the same, you should not go back – history repeats itself.”
Here’s Sabrina’s best advice for getting over a breakup
- 30-Day No Contact Rule: Do not contact your ex for at least 30 days; Only contact him again if you are no longer upset about him.
- Pay attention to your thoughts and think about what they really mean. If you miss him and love him, you may lose the human connection that can be found elsewhere through friends and family.
- Ask yourself if each of your thoughts will “serve you well.”
- Stop the obsessive cycle of worry and insecurity and shift your mind to a more productive place with positive affirmations that you will find the right person and have the relationship you want.
- Focus on other things, like the holiday you want to take or the concert you’re going to.
- Do an inventory of your ex-spouse and decide if it’s worth talking about. Write down your three “must-haves” and three “deal-breakers” and find out if it’s all of them.
- The right guy wants to be with you.
- Have a growth mindset: Think about how you can learn and feel better.
- Ask yourself five questions: What have I learned from this relationship? What did I do in this relationship that I will never do again? What qualities do I need in a partner? Why didn’t it work? What did I learn about myself?
- If it no longer serves you and nothing has changed, let it go.
- If you’ve done the work yourself and both parties are willing to work things out, try again.
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