The problem is…
“My husband has a problem with alcohol. He can’t control his intake and sometimes he doesn’t answer calls or messages when he’s home or when he’s out. We’ve fought about this many times, and I’m sick to my stomach with anxiety and pain.
“I told him to call his mother so she can talk to him. But he minimizes the problem. He says he’s not an alcoholic – although his father, his parents split up. She must try to find anything and everything to go against me and deny her son’s behavior.
“During the lockdown, we were breaking up, and she told me she wouldn’t love him if his wife didn’t do her husband’s laundry and eat him every day.
“She lives just five minutes away from us and he’s always there – she literally doesn’t care that she’s leaving me and our children alone. She always taunts me or turns on me, though my husband claims she loves me! She gives him money and she He then holds it over his head so he can’t say no to her.He respects her more than I do, and he doesn’t understand what I’m talking about, but he does message and call every day.
“I have had enough; I think she’s manipulative and narcissistic and won’t face her son’s drinking problems. Am I crazy, or are they in a very disturbing and creepy relationship?”
Fiona says …
“The relationship between mother and son can be so close. And for her, if her son is ‘perfect’, it’s hard to consider if someone or something tries to deny perfection. She has found.
“Maybe she cares about you – after all, regardless of how he treats you, you’re trying to help him and take care of him. It’s hard to live with an alcoholic, but it’s still hard to live with others around him.
“I encourage you to join al-anonuk.org.uk, a group for families and friends of alcoholics. Al-Anon has over 700 groups across the UK and Ireland where you can find support and acceptance from others who truly understand your experiences. As they say in their information, they can ‘help you find a different way to deal with your relationship with an alcoholic’.
“It’s up to you whether you want to continue that relationship and support him. Yet your aunt is different. She uses your position to manipulate your husband and that relationship is definitely unhealthy. It’s confusing and creepy, but I don’t really know; I think we need to see the interaction.
“It certainly doesn’t help your husband that he doesn’t have an alcohol problem – have you explained to him that reducing the problem doesn’t help him? If you try to angle on worrying about his health and his liver state, instead of getting upset about his behavior, you can attract her good manners.
If you have a problem and you need help, please email Fiona by writing to firstname.lastname@example.org for advice. All letters are treated with complete confidence and to protect this privacy, Fiona will not be able to forward your messages to other readers. Fiona regrets not being able to access personal correspondence.